His love broke through

So I went to church today. I got there in the middle of worship and was trying to not be distracted and just focus on His presence. I used to be on the worship team so I always feel the need to do something during that time of worship, like i have a duty to take care of. Anyway, I was there with my eyes closed and then there was this girl who is sort of new to the team singing a solo “how he loves”. I used to sing that song at this church so at first it was a little weird adjusting to the difference, I felt like they replaced me…like i wasn’t good enough (even though i stepped down from the team), i felt like there was someone better, prettier, etc. But somehow all of that changed mid-song. I wasn’t annoyed anymore, I recognized the anointing and my perspective changed. God broke through. 

Now it was just me and Him, I was overwhelmed by His beauty. It wasnt about me and my complaints anymore, it wasnt about me at all. I tried making it about me and it was wrong. That’s not worship. Worship is ALL about Him. It’s abandonment, it’s turning your back and shutting the door on the enemy, it’s laying at His feet and knowing you are nothing without this Man. It’s gazing.

The Lord started showing me something. I had a vision of this irish wolfhound that i saw at the farmers market yesterday. Specifically, the Lord had highlighted the left front leg where the dog had a wrapped up wound. He was showing me that He really IS kind and caring. Like the owner of the dog, He saw that the dog was hurting, the dog had a problem and needed help. He took the dog to get surgery on the leg and even though the healing for the dog hurt him, it was helping him and the wrap helped to keep his leg steady when he stood or walked. God showed me that he was healing me and wanted to continue. He showed me that he was taking care of my wounds, that he doesn’t ignore my pain. All he asks for is a heart that is in complete surrender to His. His love broke though all my insecurities, my pain, my pride, my shame, the lies from the enemy…

Oh, how He loves… 

As the season changes so goes my life.

So, many changes have occurred since I last posted. Let's start with all the answered prayers--I got accepted to the University of Missouri in Kansas City!! I will be moving there in late May. God totally gave me direction on that! Secondly, I got a scholarship  for this school that will cover all my out-of-state fees which is over $10,000! God is good. :) I also got a job mid-december, i work selling cellphones. I can save money for my living expenses in Kansas City. I'm excited to get myself back in the prayer room at the International House of Prayer in KC.

God has spoken and been so faithful to me. His plan for my life is unravelling and I'm excited. I'm gonna keep running with Him because He's the best Father. :)

Onething was also pretty amazing. God worked on issues in my heart. He began the work there and is continuing to be faithful and cleaning me until every last spot is gone. I love Him so much!

My heart is jumping!! :D

Today was such an awesome day. Some totally unexpected things happened and it was all good. I went to a service at this small church where i heard a team from ihop-kc were going to be. There were only about 20 people there in total. But it was so cool. The speaker was talking about harp and bowl, fasting and praying, and then ended with Anna the prophetess. When he talked about these things, my heart got so enthusiastic, I couldn't keep it in, I was tapping my feet on the floor excited about what the Lord was showing me!!

When we all went up for prayer this girl came up to pray for me and it was all good stuff. Most of it was super accurate too so that made me even more happy. I was just a happy girl tonight, yes indeed. I felt the Lord speak to me during worship and say "I'm strengthening you." Then the speaker later said God wants to give us strength and empower us! I feel so strong right now. I feel like the Jesus that's in me is really a might man of war. This is great. I feel solid. Praise Yahweh!

Oh and Happy Channukah! :)

Even through afflictions, I still know Your affections.

I feel like I have been going through one of the roughest seasons in my spiritual life. I'm so occupied with school that I hardly get to do other things which is getting me stressed. I know God has to be preparing me for something, perhaps leaving to KC or something bigger.

Last night I was up most the night, because I took a nap yesterday and when I finally went to sleep I had really terrible nightmares. I woke up scared but relieved that I was awake. I started asking God what was going on and there was just silence for a few minutes. I started telling Him how this spiritual warfare or whatever it was made me feel and I started to cry a little bit. In one of the dreams, I got the revelation that my identity in Christ was going to be what scared the enemy the most. In the dream I started to declare that I was a daughter of the Most High, I was an heir of Christ, I said "I am His and He is mine! I am His and He is mine!" As I said that I felt empowered, not from mere words but from the realization that Christ loved me, He was going to see me through this valley of shadows. 

When I woke up I kept declaring over myself my identity in Christ and He spoke to me through a song that Misty Edwards sang last week in the prayer room. It says, "Angels, O Angels gather 'round! Angels, O Angels look and see! Angels, O Angels look and see, through that dark night of faith she's still gazing at Me!" I just broke down crying. I knew that God was there in the room with me. I knew that He loved me, He really loved me! It sounds cliche but I was filled with the Spirit and started crying out "You love me! You REALLY love me!!" It was such a tender moment with my Father. I knew that He would do ANYTHING to protect me and wouldn't let anything harm me. I knew that He heard my cry. I felt that I needed to release everything up to Him because He knows me better than I know myself. So I had an incredible encounter with the Lord at dawn. What an amazing God I have! <3

Beauty in Nature

Tuesday's sunset on the U.S. side of the Rio Grande.

Thursday's sunrise on the U.S. side of the Rio Grande.

(Later) Thursday's sunrise on Rio Grande.

Despite what violence is going on in this region, which took place only a couple of miles from this site, I still see this as beautiful. There was a sense of serenity as I stood by the river and just watched the sun rise and shed its light on this magnificent scene. The colors in these shots didn't clash but wonderfully co-existed, they accented each others best hues and values. One reason I love sunrises is because EVERYTHING is completely dark and motionless but as the sun begins to peak over the horizon, it's almost as if everything comes to life. Everything is filled with color and you can see the Spirit of God stirring the atmosphere. It's incredible. I am undone every time I experience a sunrise. I feel the love of God and the warm embrace of the Sun He created.

So much on my mind.

This morning a good friend and father figure in my life went to heaven. I have really mixed emotions about his passing. I know God's will has to be done no matter what. I trust that God always knows what He's doing and His plans are to work out everything for our good.

For the past few nights I have been having nightmares/ night terrors. It's been hard to get physical and spiritual rest just because of everything. Ever since I could remember, I've had two specific types of nightmares that just leave me in shock almost. I don't know why I have these but the feelings they cause me to feel are fear, pain, and almost isolation. I don't know if they're just attacks or there's some kind of meaning behind them.

I talked to a friend from IHOP-KC last night over the phone. We got to catch up on each other's lives and encourage each other. I told her I might not be able to go to the OneThing conference at the end of the year because of money issues so she prayed if God really wanted me to go, He would make a way and provide. This morning I woke up and checked Facebook. To my surprise Southwest Airlines is having a 3-day sale on flights to certain cities. So I really want to go now. I feel like that was God's way of saying "Yes". I'm also going to ask for people to possibly sponsor and support me.

I want to start writing songs again. Especially after this lady prayed for me at the Keith Miller meeting and said that I needed to release songs and psalms. Basically prayers in song form. God is currently teaching me about that. Just speaking to Him through my songs. It's very impacting because others go through the same feelings and situations and I feel like God wants to start something new with this.

Also, I feel some inspiration in the area of art. I got scriptures and put them into picture form. I've always wanted to draw things from the bible because it helped me understand the stories and scenarios better. But now I have combined scriptures from different testaments and books. They create a revelation in my mind like nothing else could.

I have this strange uneasy feeling in my stomach and it's like a mix of emotions that make me feel like my stomach wants to explode. It's not a physical feeling but I can feel it inside. Something is definitely stirring up. I'm currently reading "Is that really You, God?" by Loren Cunningham of YWAM. All the stories and adventures that he talks about just stir me up even more and make my heart yearn for the lost. Even though it's about learning to hear the voice of God and taking Him at His word, I get this yearning inside for the lost and the poor that have NO HOPE, because their IS HOPE and his name is JESUS.

-beautiful crown.

Embrace by Jake Hamilton // Marked by Heaven

My third self-portrait for my 2-D design class had to be an emotional one; some kind of memory or feeling that really impacted me. I had no idea what to do because most of my memories don't make too much sense to me in an artsy form. But this feeling of freedom kept coming to mind. So I got this picture in my head of shackles or a rope being broken or torn off and this sense of relief that "it's all gonna be okay". I thought about how Jesus said His Father takes care of the sparrows that are defenseless and have no home then surely He care more about the one's He created out of dust and called His friends.

The drawing is a sparrow flying out of it's cage because the door has been opened but there was a rope tied around it's neck attached to the door of the cage that was keeping it from REALLY being free. The moment I captured was when the rope had just ripped and the sparrow was truly free. I feel like when we cut off things that are going to hold us back, we really get a sense of that sparrow being free knowing that it's Maker is caring for it.

To me, it's shows that struggle that we go through wanting to be free but knowing we are only living in a false freedom such as a religious spirit or even holding yourself back from your full potential by always seeing the negative in yourself.

That moment of freedom is like no other. Yes, you are tired of struggling and trying to get free on your own, but when you let the Maker take care of you, you finally get what Jesus was talking about when He said "Don't worry about anything". Whatever you dream of doing; God has an even greater plan and dream for your life, it's all about trusting Him.

-beautiful crown