So much on my mind.

This morning a good friend and father figure in my life went to heaven. I have really mixed emotions about his passing. I know God's will has to be done no matter what. I trust that God always knows what He's doing and His plans are to work out everything for our good.

For the past few nights I have been having nightmares/ night terrors. It's been hard to get physical and spiritual rest just because of everything. Ever since I could remember, I've had two specific types of nightmares that just leave me in shock almost. I don't know why I have these but the feelings they cause me to feel are fear, pain, and almost isolation. I don't know if they're just attacks or there's some kind of meaning behind them.

I talked to a friend from IHOP-KC last night over the phone. We got to catch up on each other's lives and encourage each other. I told her I might not be able to go to the OneThing conference at the end of the year because of money issues so she prayed if God really wanted me to go, He would make a way and provide. This morning I woke up and checked Facebook. To my surprise Southwest Airlines is having a 3-day sale on flights to certain cities. So I really want to go now. I feel like that was God's way of saying "Yes". I'm also going to ask for people to possibly sponsor and support me.

I want to start writing songs again. Especially after this lady prayed for me at the Keith Miller meeting and said that I needed to release songs and psalms. Basically prayers in song form. God is currently teaching me about that. Just speaking to Him through my songs. It's very impacting because others go through the same feelings and situations and I feel like God wants to start something new with this.

Also, I feel some inspiration in the area of art. I got scriptures and put them into picture form. I've always wanted to draw things from the bible because it helped me understand the stories and scenarios better. But now I have combined scriptures from different testaments and books. They create a revelation in my mind like nothing else could.

I have this strange uneasy feeling in my stomach and it's like a mix of emotions that make me feel like my stomach wants to explode. It's not a physical feeling but I can feel it inside. Something is definitely stirring up. I'm currently reading "Is that really You, God?" by Loren Cunningham of YWAM. All the stories and adventures that he talks about just stir me up even more and make my heart yearn for the lost. Even though it's about learning to hear the voice of God and taking Him at His word, I get this yearning inside for the lost and the poor that have NO HOPE, because their IS HOPE and his name is JESUS.

-beautiful crown.